I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Randomize
