I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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