This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
