The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
