The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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