Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
