white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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