I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
