so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize