Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
