There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
