My liver just broke up with me...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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