dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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