Can i not drive my cunt home
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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