Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I need to stop coming to work sober
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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