thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I am midnight drunk by noon
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
