I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
