Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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