apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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