I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize