we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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