dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
