He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
