He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
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