That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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