I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
