She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
