Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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