I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
