I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
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