Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
