??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
accomplished twins. life is a go
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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