watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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