THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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