Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
