I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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