youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
