So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
