Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
