I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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