and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
