Plan B is the new Plan A
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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