do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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