Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
