best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
