you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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