don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
