so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
