like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
