I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
