I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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