Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
you will always have a special place in my vag
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
