I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Ketchup is God's man juice
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
