I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
