When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
