She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
