you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
My pussy is not your playground.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
