My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I think I sprained my soul last night
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
