areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
