so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize