I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
