Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
