If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
