There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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