I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
