Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
