3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
