Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
They are going to name an STD after you.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Randomize
