She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
