I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
