i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
