her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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