I am puke
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize