We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Randomize
