I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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