who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
