I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
