you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
