So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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