There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
