Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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